Map and Trip Details Courtesy of FreeWorld.travel
What is there to say about LOT?
First of all, if you are expecting Polish jokes – those are no longer politically correct.
Second, if you are expecting me to say I loved my flight experience, I didn’t.
Third, if you were expecting an on time-departure and a smooth operation, spoiler alert: the plane went mechanical.
Other than that, it was business casual as usual as I found my way back home after 3 nights in Hungary.
The Ground Experience at Warsaw Frederic Chopin Airport
With two hours to kill between my arrival from Budapest and our departure for Chicago, I decided to check out the LOT lounge.
While there, I was a one man email answering machine. Other patrons of the lounge were surely thinking to themselves “how is this guy so good at answering emails?”
They didn’t know my little secret…
… My secret? Booze and cold cuts!
Actually, I wasn’t really very hungry or thirsty at this point, so I had a diet coke (not pictured).
Some time elapsed, and I made my way over to the dreamliner.
The LOT 787-8 Dreamliner Experience
When I first walked on the plane, I had to ask myself: Was I in a dream? Was I in a liner? Or was it all clever marketing.
Just kidding, I know what a dreamliner is and this wasn’t my first rodeo. It was my first Polish rodeo, though.
The business class cabin featured 18 seats in a 2-2-2 configuration. I was in seat 1A, because like commenters on blogs, I like to yell “first” whenever I get on a plane.
At first I was concerned about a window seat with a potential neighbor. Then the plane boarded and I had no neighbor. In fact, the cabin only had 5 total passengers. Freedom.
Things were looking good for an on-time departure. They were amusing my bouche, figuratively “poppin’ the Crys” and even handing out menus for the meal.
Then the hammer dropped. This plane was not fit to fly us to Chicago.
This dreamliner had become a nightmareliner®.
The waiting game
I got off the plane and headed to the new gate area. I yelled FIRST as I sat down at the new gate.
A nursing mother came by and I gave my seat to her. She started talking to me in Polish, so I said the only Polish phrase I know as she fed her baby.
Na zdrowie!
I am pretty sure that the baby offered me cheers back. Or maybe this was all just part of a dream sequence.
An announcement.
They located a spare Dreamliner for us! We would be able to make our miraculous trans-atlantic voyage in a one hundred plus million dollar plane that they just had sitting around. And we would only be like 7 hours late! Things were looking up.
Our original departure was supposed to be 4:40 PM. I have no idea when we actually took off, but when I got into the new plane I was met with a distinct feeling of deja vu.
The actual experience of flying on LOT Business Class
The new plane was the same. The same flight crew. The same passengers. The same amuse bouche. I told the same lame jokes. I got the same courtesy laughs.
After the stress of deplaning, I was ready to enjoy some of the fine wine and spirits offered by LOT.
And of course, I vetted my options for dinner, while also dreaming of what I may have for supper before landing.
Eventually I started eating some food. By this point, I was starving.
I still need to check my facts, but I’m pretty sure that LOT Catering is provided by the Pizza Industry of Chicago… because everyone who eats their food will be ordering pizza when they land.
Fun fact: This food was so bad that I thought about Pizza the entire time. When I landed in San Francisco, I literally ordered Patxi’s pizza from my phone before I even got off the plane.
I even ordered cheese for dessert, just to feel full.
Sleepy time
When it’s time to sleep, your seat turns into a bed.
Also, the personal entertainment system is really hard to figure out. I am convinced that the entertainment system was designed by that little shit of a kid who kicks you in the knees and then runs away laughing.
Before sleeping, they brought around flavored vodka for the cabin to enjoy. It was a nice punctuation mark.
Supper time
I can’t remember how well I slept, but eventually it was time for our second meal of the night. Since we were scheduled originally to arrive in Chicago at 7:40 PM, the second meal was also a dinner entree. Eating a second dinner just seemed odd to me. But then again, by this time it was after midnight in Chicago so I wouldn’t be able to eat when I landed.
This meal was better than the first. I still wanted pizza, though.
And just like that, we were almost in Chicago. Only several hours late!
Sometimes you don’t want your luxury flight experience to end. This was not one of those times.
LOT Dreamliner Business Class Review
If you need to travel to/from Europe and have miles with Star Alliance, try looking elsewhere first. I don’t have inflated expectations of business class on flights, just that it is better than flying in coach. This flight was still better than flying in coach.
But I can’t say that there was anything that would bring me back to LOT, if given a choice. My other Star Alliance airline experiences to/from Europe have been much more enjoyable. Austrian business class was better. Lufthansa First class is obviously better as well. I’ll be reviewing Lufthansa Business class next week.
